A Round Of Applause

Dear Diary,

I know for the past few months, I’ve been writing about the experiences I encounter at my job as a server. So far, they have been rantings of difficult guests and situations. Well, I don’t want you to think that it is all bad.

Late one Friday night, I was working my usual shift of steady tables. As things began to die down and other fellow servers were being cut from the floor, my manager tells me there will be a party of 20 guests coming in and I will be their server. I love getting large parties to myself, as long as I’m not busy with other tables and they aren’t too difficult and needy.

As the party of 20 slowly starting tinkling in, I noticed they were various families with a large amount of children. Yikes! I personally despise children of all ages; including newborns, infants, toddlers, preteens, teenagers, and especially kids from ages 5-10. (I promise to dedicate an entire entry just about kids in the near future.) And this party had a mixture of kids of all ages.

After about 15 minutes, they appear to have found the chairs around the table and finally all sit down. I give them another couple minutes to settle down and review their menus. Then I approach the table, with a smile and my usual greeting. Of course no one hears me or pays attention to me. Only one woman acknowledges me with a hello. I raise my voice, asking if I can get them started with their beverage order.

The one woman, who said hello to me, smiles and says. “We are going to need separate checks.” At least they let me know before hand. The hard part now, is trying to organize who is on whose check. And of course, they are not sitting next to each other, so I have to scramble back and forth just to take the orders.

So I get their drink order first and head off to make it. This takes me about 15 minutes to organize 20 glasses; some with easy ice, some with no ice, some with lemon, others with extra lemon, some with grenadine in them, some in kids cups with lids, some coffee, and even some from the bar. Not to mention, this tray is really heavy.

(Luckily for me, all my other tables are basically finished and have started to vacate the premises, so I no longer have to devote attention to them.)

Once I deliver their drinks, they are ready to order. So I jump from one end of the table to the next, trying to get each person’s attention and making sure the separate families orders are together. By the time the last person tells me, with no cheese, and the dressing on the side, everyone needs a beverage refill!

Putting their order in the computer takes 20 minutes alone. Especially with all the buttons I have to push for all their various modifications and requests. This facade continues for their entire stay. Back and forth, running to get this, a side of that, more of this, refill that. Then, when their food is ready, it is a nightmare to figure out what is what and to who it goes to. One of my favorite things about being a server is when I deliver food to a table and announce the item I have; then the guests all look at me confused and silent. For some reason, no one ever seems to remember what they ordered.

Then comes dessert. Sigh. I’m already sweating from the cardio workout and heavy lifting. Now comes more order taking, food preparation, and delivery. Finally, I drop the separate checks. There is hope, the end is near. With this party of 20, there were about 12 separate checks. Which means 12 different transactions: locating a manager to separate the checks, finding and counting change, and swiping credit cards.

Although, it is a lot of work, full of running back and forth, remembering tons of things, trying to find this, lifting heavy trays, making sundaes, taking dirty dishes away, bringing out sides of ranch dressing, etc. This is my job, and that is what I am here for. This party had a lot of benefits to it for me as well. They were not rude, they were understanding, patient, friendly, they let me know about separate checks before hand, weren’t too needy, and I was able to add 18% gratuity to their final bill. Plus, they ordered many things that management enjoys to see on a check: appetizers, bar beverages, and dessert.

Once I dropped off the change, and credit cards for them to sign, I gave them a final farewell and asked them if they needed anything else. Then came something I would never expect in a hundred years. They thanked me for all my hard work and each of them gave me a round of applause. They cheered and told me I did a tremendous job. My heart fluttered from the surprise and I could feel my cheeks turning red. A huge smile came on my face and I thanked them for everything.

The next time you go out to dine at a restaurant, remember all the hard work your waiter or waitress is doing for you and show a sign of appreciation; either with a positive note on the receipt, a large tip, or in this case, a round of applause. If you do, I promise you will get service with a huge smile.

Separate Checks

Dear Diary,

Sometimes when a group of people venture out to eat at a restaurant, they often regret to communicate to each other about paying the bill. Most people just assume they will be paying for themselves. However, some will pick up the tab for the entire party, or one other person in addition to themselves. No matter what the situation is, no one seems to bring it up until they all have finished ordering, completed their meals, and the check is delivered to the table.

Then all of a sudden, someone looks at the check in surprise and says, “Oh! Can we have separate checks?” As if it was my job to know and create separate checks for them from the beginning.

Some restaurant computer systems give Servers the ability to separate a check on their own. Other computer systems only allow a manager to do the task. Why, I need a manager to separate a check for me, is beyond my comprehension. Either way, the whole thing is very time consuming.

1. I have to figure out what each person is going to be paying for. Who had the iced tea, who had the burger with no mayo, who is paying for the appetizer, etc. *with a party of 2-4 this isn’t so bad, but with larger parties, it can be very confusing.*

2. (A) If the manager is required to separate the check, I have to find one! Good Luck With That! (B) I have to go to the computer and physically separate the entire check by highlighting each item individually and creating a new ticket.

3. Print each check, then find a check presentation tray / book to put each one in. *again, with larger parties, this can be a real pain, trying to find enough check presentation trays!*

4. Once I arrive back at the table, I have to hand each one their appropriate check, again, trying to figure out which person should get which one. “Alright, Bitch with the glasses ordered the Cobb Salad. Fatty over there had the nachos, cheeseburger with bacon, fries, ice cream sundae, and oh yea… the Diet Coke.”

5. After I hand deliver all the checks to the right Monkeys at the table; they will sit there and analyze it to make sure they are only paying for what they ordered. Then they will scratch their heads, ask each other questions, and pick fleas off each other for a few moments before each one of them hands me back a 20 dollar bill.

In this day and age, most people use the luxury and convenience of paying for items using their credit / atm cards. These people I love. It’s easy for me to simply open their check in the computer, swipe their card, and print out their receipt to sign; Done Deal. But when everyone hands me a 20 dollar bill, and each of their checks is only about $8….now…I’m pissed.

*Here is something I guess NO one seems to know about restaurants. There is No such thing as a cash register! (Only little diner-type places like Denny’s have one) Each Server has their own “bank” of change which they carry on them. However, this little “bank” is usually only stocked with the ability to give change for a single 20 dollar bill.*

So, when I’m handed five 20 dollar bills, you can understand my frustration. Now, I have to go on a treasure hunt in the restaurant for change. A server’s best hope is to ask the bar tender for change. They are the only ones in the entire restaurant that usually have a cash register stocked with efficient funds. If not them, another server (who all just say no, even if they do have it!), if not them, I have to go to a manager. The manager will then go to the back office to retrieve change for me.

(Meanwhile, one of my other tables need drink refills, and another one needs a side of ranch dressing, and another one is waiting for me to take their order, all the while, another table’s food needs to be ran out to them, and I just got a new table sat in my section)

6. Once all the checks are closed, and the change is counted and figured out, I can finally deliver it all back to the table. Again, trying to remember who was who. Sometimes, I’ll just leave it all in a pile at the end of the table and let them figure it out!

One thing I always love, is when all the guests of the table who demanded the separate checks, are standing up, with their coats and purses on, arms crossed, impatient and desperate to get out of there; As if I took months to get them their change. Believe me; I’m just as irritated as they are.

A lot of these time consuming and annoying steps can be avoided, when it comes to separate checks. As long as you let your server know you need separate checks before everyone orders. That way, they can be aware of who is on who’s check, who ordered what, etc. Also, if you plan on using cash and know you are going to be paying for only yourself, bring some small dollar bills to avoid your server’s desperate search for change. If you do, I guarantee, you’ll get service with a smile!

Potential Tip

Dear Diary,

I love this scene from one of my favorite TV shows: 3rd Rock From the Sun. It is so funny! I love the idea!

Restaurant Lingo (Part One)

Dear Diary,

I thought it would be fun, to write down and define all the little phrases or words we use in a restaurant, along with an example of how one might use the word or phrase in a sentence. This is only part one of this entry. I’ll write more soon.

Ring In = To enter an order into the computer system. “I’m sorry; I can’t help you make drinks. I have to Ring In an order.”

Send = To send the order to the kitchen/bar to be made. “Oh my God! I forgot to Send their food!”

On The Fly / 911 = To request an item to be made quickly / urgently. This item should take first priority. Usually when something has gone wrong and it needs to be fixed. “We need that burger On The Fly.” “Where is my appetizer? I need it 911!”

Cut / Phased = When a staff member is no longer needed to work for the day. They will usually still be on the clock and finish up their last tables and sidework. However, they will no longer receive new tables to serve. “I want to go home! When will I be Cut?”

Floor = The section of the restaurant where guests are seated at tables and the wait staff serve them. “Who’s working the Floor today?”

Cut The Floor = When the manager sends staff members home for the day; usually referring to the Servers in the Restaurant. “It’s slow. When are they going to Cut The Floor?”

Relief / Turnover = The staff member who is scheduled to come in and take the place of a previous employee. “What time is it? Where is my Relief? I’m going to be late to my other job!”

On = When an employee is clocked in and ready to work. “Can you clean those tables? Are you On yet?”

Sidework = The extra cleaning, organizing, stocking, etc. of a server required before they leave their shift. “I’m done with everything. Can you check my Sidework, so I can get the hell out of here?”

Station / Section = The designated area where a server is placed in the restaurant to work. There are a set amount and specific tables in which they are able to serve. “I’ve been here for over a year; why do I still get the crappy Section?!”

Right Behind = The phrase said aloud when walking right behind another staff member so they don’t bump into you. Especially if either person is holding dishes, food, drinks, etc. “Right Behind!”

Bus = The act of completely cleaning a table after a guest has left. “I had to Bus my own tables all day!”

Pre Bus = The act of clearing dishes and other filth from the table before the guests have left. “Don’t forget to Pre Bus your tables.”

Drop = The act of leaving / delivering something on a guest’s table. “Can you Drop this coke at my table for me?”

Close Out = The act of finishing a guests check completely in the computer, so the table number is now available to use again. “I just need to Close Out this check, and then I can go on my break.”

86 = The code for NO or used if an item in the restaurant has run out. “There are no more pot pies! 86 Pot Pies!”

So the next time you are sitting at your table and over hear the servers talking in code, this is what they are saying! If you really want to surprise your server, next time you order a burger and want no onions on it, tell them, "86" Onions. If you do, you just might get service with a smile.

Mexican Food

Dear Diary,

There are many different types of restaurants out there. A person can simply travel to their local mall and have food from any region in the world within one parking lot. No need to buy a plane ticket to Japan to have sushi, or sail to Italy to have lasagna with garlic bread.

As I have said earlier, I have worked in many types of restaurants. I’ve served: Pasta, Salad, Pizza, Burgers, Sushi, Fish, Steaks, Ribs, Shrimp, Chicken, Soups, Cornbread, everything. From fine dining to casual bars; from Italy to Japan; I have done it all. But no matter what type of restaurant you visit, and no matter what the décor is, and no matter what the menu has on it, you are eating Mexican Food.

And I mean authentic Mexican Food, right from the border! These guys still have salt water in their ears! I jest. But on a more serious note, I don’t know why it’s usually only Mexican Employees in the back cooking up a storm. Maybe it’s because no one else will do such hard labor for the pay it comes with. Who knows? I don’t even know how much a “Back of the House” employee makes. Maybe it is worth it, and we just don’t know it!

Now, I’m not a racist or anything (I discriminate against everyone, regardless of your race), I’m just stating the facts. Another fact is: I always have a problem with at least one person on the kitchen staff. Maybe it’s the communication problem. There is a huge language barrier, which I can’t stand and have no tolerance for. I think it is so funny when a fellow server tells the kitchen staff that their food was made wrong and asks them to fix it. Then all they do is stand there and look confused; like a monkey scratching his head.

How can someone not get upset? My job as a server is to take my table’s order and “ring” it into the computer accurately. Then the computer “sends” the order to the kitchen for them to make; via little white tickets which says the food item and the various modifications for each one. For example: a Cheeseburger with NO Onions. So you can understand how I might get upset when you throw the burger at me covered in onions. Sometimes, yes, I will admit, I may “ring” in the order incorrectly, but if that’s the case, I won’t get too upset.

So if the “amigos” in the kitchen make the order wrong, now, it’s going to take longer for them to re-make it. Usually a guest at a restaurant doesn’t understand this concept; but your server doesn’t make your food. And if something goes wrong, it’s going to take some time to fix. Oh, and by the way, look around; you aren’t the only people in the restaurant. But of course, if there is a “problema” in the kitchen, and the food takes too long, then there goes my tip.

I love it when the managers tell me I need to be “nicer” and “not yell” at them, like it’s my fault they don’t speak English too well, and I should be the one to be more understanding. I need to understand? Then they themselves bring in a translator to communicate with them. Yea, “Irony, Party of 1, your table is now ready.”

Now, it’s not all the guys from Costa-Guata-Mexi-Rico that are bad. I mean, there are a few who are cool. They always make me laugh! Mexicans are funny! Plus, I’ve learned a lot of Spanish working in restaurants over the years. My high school Spanish teacher would be very proud. “Necesito mas papas por favor!”

So the next time you are dinning out at your local Burger Joint for some good ol’ Mexican Cuisine, and you notice that your entrées may be taking a little longer, or you see there are onions on your “hamburguesa” remember, it may not be your server’s fault. So don’t punish them for trying to learn a second language. If you understand, you just might get, “servicio con una sonrisa!”

Water With Lemon

Dear Diary,

As a server, one of the most important jobs I have is to get my guests their beverages. Not just to get them, but to keep them filled throughout the duration of their stay. Many people might not know this, but when you go to a restaurant, your server is the one who gets your drinks. The server makes them too (with the exception of Bar Beverages). But this includes: sodas, coffee, ice teas, lemonades, and at some places: juices, milks, and hot chocolate.

Beverages are one of the highest items on the menu which bring the most income to a restaurant. One 5 gallon box of soda syrup (which provides approximately 240 16oz sodas) costs less than $30. So a restaurant only has to sell about 10 sodas to pay for it! Cha-Ching! Not to mention the price they charge for booze. You can buy a whole bottle of Stoli for a little shot glass full at a restaurant.

So, you can see why your server will typically suggest one of the many featured beverages on the menu. Me, personally, I could care less what you order. As long as you order something! You see, the more you order, the higher your bill will be. Therefore, (in theory) causing my tip to be higher.

I love it when I approach a table and offer them many different assortments of tropical flavored iced teas, lemonades, refreshing fruity alcoholic beverages, and just about every damn soda we have. And their response is, “I’ll just have a water with lemon.” (Like they are doing me a favor)

Every time I hear those lovely words, it feels like a little knife being jabbed in my side. Or what’s even worse, is with lime. At least the lemons are located directly next to where I get your drinks, and are easily assessable to me (if they are stalked). But the limes are all the way in the bar!

Another thing that will make your server’s teeth cringe is when some idiot at the table orders water for everyone sitting in the party, even if they aren’t there yet. “Just waters for everyone, for now.” Or “Could you bring everyone waters as well?” Now, I don’t mind if you get water in addition to another beverage which actually cost something, and you drink it. But I really hate it, when a guest will order waters on top of everything else, for everyone at the table, and when they finally vacate the premises; all 6 waters are still filled to the brim left on the table.

“I’ll have a water with lemon to start with.” To start with? Bitch, you aren’t going to order another drink. So please, don’t give me any false hope.

“Can I get a large water with lots of extra lemon on the side?” Okay, two things here. First off, if someone indicates the size of a beverage, such as small, medium, or large, they are not going to be gracing your day with a very good tip. This isn’t McDonald’s or Starbucks. This is a restaurant. We don’t offer different size beverages. Secondly, as far as your bowl of lemons is concerned, you’ll be happy to notice on your bill I charged your cheap ass for a lemonade.

So the next time you are dinning out at your favorite restaurant and your server offers you a deliciously refreshing ice cold featured specialty beverage; do them a favor and order it. I promise, if you do, you’ll get service with a smile!

Campers

Dear Diary,

Sometimes I wish I had a meter on the end of my table. You know, like a Cab or Taxi has in it. Just a little black box with red digital numbers on it. If anything, it will certainly spice up the décor of the table.

Plus it would be great to have a minimum tip already calculated for them. Then have it linked to the computers, so when I put their food order in, the minimum can be adjusted based on what they order, and their total bill. Now, I’m not saying I would serve them slower, just to “milk” the meter, or anything like that. Maybe the meter doesn’t start till the food is dropped at their table. That way, they can’t blame the server for being too slow, or the kitchen for taking forever. They can just blame it on how slow they eat.

Yea, that’s a great idea. Let the guest see the minimum tip based on their order. Have it bright and shinning right next to them. Maybe it blinks every now and then. Or has sound effects. Then once their meals are delivered to the table, the meter begins. Slowly increasing as time goes by, with a time counter as well. So they can actually see time go by.

As I have said before, the only way to make money as a server is to serve as many tables as possible in one shift. The sooner one table leaves, the sooner another one can take its place. For a server, time is money. So the next time you visit a restaurant, remember, you are renting that table from the waitress or waiter who is serving it.

Now, it’s okay if you want to stay awhile and chat with your friends, hang out for a while. But make sure you make up for that time with the tip. A lot of people don’t realize this. That is why I feel, the meters at the tables will help everyone see that time is money.

I hate it when I have a great table, real friendly and a pleasure to serve, then once I drop the check, and give them back their change, they sit. They start pitching their tents, roll out their sleeping bags, and start collecting fire wood. But, I usually give people the benefit of the doubt (yea right). I tell myself, “Oh, they will leave me a good tip for staying so long. They know I only have a limited amount of tables, and they know I could be making another tip off another pair of assholes. They know. So when they finally do leave, and I pick up my tip, I know it’s going to make up for the time lost.”

Why do I kid myself every time? 3 hours later, I got $4.50. If there were a meter on their table, I would have got $15.00.

It’s not just about money either, it also about time. Especially, if it is the last table of my shift. I don’t want to sit there all night and wait for you to leave! Sure, you are having a great time chatting it up, playing with your straw in a cup of melting ice (Cause I sure as hell won’t get you a refill. Once I drop the check, I also drop my service!). How about you take your little friendship reunion out to the parking lot? That way I can flip you off on my way to my car, stripping off my uniform as I leave the restaurant even before you do. I’m just kidding, I would never do that! I usually leave my uniform on until I get home.

I still have stuff to do before I can go home, you know. I have to clean the mess you left on that table! Then I have to refill all the sugar, salt and pepper you let your little devil child spill all over the place. Plus I still have to sweep and clean the floor. Not to mention I have to close out your check and do all my money figurations for the day. So get out!

I do try to drop settle hints every now and then. I’ll say, “Is there anything else I can get for you?” “Are you still doing okay?” Or I’ll ignore them completely and avoid eye contact. If that doesn’t work, I’ll start cleaning the table while they are still sitting in it. Taking away all the dishes, glasses, sweep around it, etc.

So the next time you go to your favorite restaurant, leave your tents and sleeping bags at home. And try to imagine a little black box on the end of your table with red flashing numbers on it. If you do, I promise to give you service with a smile!

My First Entry

Dear Diary,

You may wonder why I’ve decided to put my work shenanigans down here in this little blog. Well, I guess this will be a way for me to vent, ridicule, educate the stupid, but mainly, to entertain those who choose to read it. (If any)

I’m a twenty something year old waiter in Southern California. Oh wait, the “politically correct” way to say this job position is “Server.” (I’ve really never been into politics) I’ve been a server for almost 10 years now. Wow. Ten years. What a loser. Well, I didn’t start in the restaurant biz that much is for sure. And believe me; I’ve tried a number of times to get the hell out of it too! But for some reason, I keep ending up getting drinks for some of the most idiotic people in the world.

It’s actually not that bad. The pay is great; well it’s okay for the immediate time, but no good for future planning. Also, it’s always nice to have cash on me (unless I get mugged on the way to my car after closing). Plus the schedule is great. I’ll never work more than 6 hours a day nor 6 days a week. More like 3 hours a day and 2 days a week. Also, if I wanted to leave the country for month, I could probably request some days off, and/or get another desperate server to cover my shifts.

That’s probably the best part of being a server. As mean and horrible as some managers are and can be (or at least how they are painted to be by the other staff members), bottom line is, they don’t give a rats ass who works as long as someone does.

Back to the 3 hours a day and 2 days a week thing… I love it how that’s all they schedule you for, yet expect you to be available ALL the time. I mean, really? What assholes. And since I have to be available for them all the time, there is hardly any chance to get hired at another restaurant. Because, you guessed it, in ordered to be hired at a restaurant, you need to have 100% availability to being with.

Well, I’ve managed to hop from restaurant to restaurant to try to find the best money making place. I’ve served in a huge chain corporate family restaurant with television commercials and everything, a fancy hotel as a bartender and server at weddings and business meetings; I’ve worked in a pizza joint/sports bar/family restaurant (may that place burn to the ground). Oh, I have also worked as a cocktail server in the local nightclub. Let’s see have I missed anything? I’m sure there have been other places here and there, but they are all pretty much the same. And if you are wondering about the tips….guess what? They are all the same too.

The only difference of making money is how busy the place is. The more tables you can serve in a shift, the more money you can make. It doesn’t matter how “Fancy” the place is or how expensive the food is. Cause let’s face it servers, its always $3 here, $4 there. Sometimes, with the large parties we’ll get $10 - $15. But even that is pushing it.

But I’ll go into that in another entry.

Well, I better get some shut eye, so I can get to work tomorrow afternoon. Maybe I’ll see you at one of my tables. If you’re lucky, you just might get service with a smile.